Look after yourself first – your debt second

I recently read a comment on a finance website by a guy who was deeply in debt. He had a huge mortgage and had major debts that he incurred when his business failed. The thing that struck me was his comment that he thought he was losing his mind. He was having sleepless nights and during the day he was too tired to take any meaningful action on his debt.

In a previous series of articles I asked the question “Do you have the energy to fight debt?”. In most peoples cases the answer is a resounding no. The comment by the guy in debt is typical of the emotions and feelings that people experience when they are confronted by a wall of debt. Sleepless nights, worry, stress and the inability to take positive action seem to be the order of the day. I should know as I’ve been in that situation on more than one occasion.

The energy aspects and how to motivate yourself are dealt with in the ‘do you have the energy to fight debt’ article. In this article here I want to focus more on the fact that most people don’t seem to put themselves first when it comes to sorting out their debt.

When debt is coming at you from all angles the general tendency is to curl up into a little ball of negative emotions. Lack of knowledge as to how to deal with debt and lack of income to pay down the debt combine to create a very tight corner. A lot of people who find themselves in this situation tend to constantly beat themselves up. Somehow believing that things will get better if they beat down on themselves, that somehow the harder they are on themselves the quicker the debt will get paid.

This logic is clearly flawed yet the phrase ‘how could I have been so stupid’ is one that is repeated hundreds if not thousands of times.

What I learnt from my time in this tight corner is that the only person in that corner is YOU and the only person who is fighting your corner is YOU. You can be your own best friend or your own worst enemy. By beating on yourself you are not solving any problems. No matter how hard you try you cannot beat sense into yourself.

You need to be your own best friend.

The truth is that the only way you will ever get out of debt is by being your own best friend. You need to put yourself first. You need to tend to the worries and stresses you have in order for you to be effective in dealing with your debt.

What is one of the main things that the air hostess says when you are being shown the how to use the oxygen masks on a plane? Make sure to put your mask on first and then help your family. This makes perfect sense. If you can’t breathe and are losing consciousness then you are no good to anyone. By tending to your own needs first you ensure the maximum odds of survival for the people around you. If you try to solve everyone else’s problems first you are doomed.

The exact same logic applies to debt management. Look after yourself first. You are no good to anyone if your health – both physical and mental – is suffering as a result of you trying to dance the merry dance with your debtors or your family. Put yourself first. Be selfish – initially at least. Be selfish until you can steady your ship and get your finances in order. What use are you to anyone if you sit up half the night worrying and stressing and are too tired during the day to do anything about your debt?

Too often people try to tackle their debts when they are emotionally and mentally exhausted. Their efforts tend to be half hearted and misdirected. Their energy levels have been sapped by months of stress and worry. As a result their efforts tend to have minimal impact and they end up becoming more and more frustrated.

So how to put yourself first and your debt second?

Your goal is now to focus on giving yourself some breathing space so that you can get some perspective on your problem. I’m not saying you should go on an expensive holiday – far from it. I’m saying that you take a day or two to sit down somewhere quiet and brainstorm two lists.

The first list is all the things that you can do that will improve your mood. These activities have specifically to be low cost or no cost. Things like improving your diet, more exercise, more time with friends and family, a new low cost hobby. You get the picture.

The second list is a list of all the things that you can do to get yourself out of debt. These things can range from the simple to the hard – from selling your home to collecting coupons. Write them all down.

Now for the hard part, take one item from each of the lists and do them. Continue to do them until they are having a positive impact on your debt and on your mood. Once you have established these items as habits move on to the next item.

The key message here is to look after yourself – both mentally and physically. Otherwise you won’t be able to look after your debt. You will be no use to anyone if you’re a burnt out physical wreck.

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