In Debt? – get your emotions out, get over them and get on with it

One of my pet hates is to see newspaper articles about people in debt. The reason why is because the people in the articles are nearly always cast as helpless fools. The picture that comes with the article is nearly always one where the people stare into the distance with a tear in their eye. I think it is highly disrespectful to the people involved. The people in debt are nearly always at their wits end and can see no future. The last thing they need is to be lampooned in public.

I always get the feeling from these articles that for the people involved view it is a last resort. A public cry for help. I imagine that if their debts were under control that they wouldn’t feel the need to tell the world about it. I could be wrong but it seems that they may have left things too late to do anything and they are throwing themselves on the mercy of the public. I feel terrible that for them it has come to this. It does serve as a salutary warning but at the same time it doesn’t really offer any insight as to how you can pay off your debts faster. If anything the articles only tend to reinforce the view that there is no way out of debt.

In my opinion people in debt spend too long caught up in the emotion of debt and not enough time tackling the debt. They sit and stare as the debt grows bigger and bigger yet they remain frozen by their emotions. Like a deer caught in headlights they cannot move. When they do eventually come around and try to start doing something about their debt then they find it extremely difficult as they are emotionally and physically drained from worry.

When people realize the magnitude of their debt for the first time they sometimes adopt a ‘close your eyes and it might go away’ attitude. Eventually the debt becomes such a huge problem that they have no choice but to do something about it. For many at that stage it can be too late. The damage is done. While it is not impossible to fight their way back, their lack of initial action has makes it a lot harder. What makes it even harder is that their emotional energy is at an all time low. It’s no coincidence that debt problems coincide with relationship problems. The two almost go hand in hand.

I’ve often asked myself why there is a time lag between when the realization occurs that debts are a huge problem and the time when the people start to do something about it. I nearly always come back to the same answer. The emotional stigma and drain involved can be a huge factor. Being in debt is often seen as a failing and as a result people do not want to admit that they made a mistake. The problem is that by delaying the admission of the mistake the problem only grows and valuable time is lost.

Open the emotional floodgates

If you feel that you have a debt problem but you are stuck in that frozen stage of self denial then talk to someone. Talk to someone you can trust in confidence – a friend, a counsellor or someone you know you can be honest with. Tell them that you think you may have a debt problem and that you are worried and you don’t know what to do. Let the emotional floodgates open, cry, get angry, get scared. Go through the full range of emotions. Clear out your emotional system.

By opening the emotional floodgates you have a release. You release all those emotions that have been pent up in you. There’s no point in hiding from these emotions. Hiding from them serves no purpose whatsoever. The problems will still be there when you come out of hiding except probably much bigger. Acknowledging that you have a problem and dealing with the emotions that come with that problem is key to getting out of debt.

By tackling the negative emotions that surround a debt problem you are laying the foundation for an effective solution. If you try to tackle your debt while still carrying all the emotional baggage associated with you will find the going a lot harder than it need be. It is easier and more effective trying to tackle your debt if you are coming from a place of strength rather than a place of weakness.

Dealing with those emotions of fear and dread are the first step in any debt management program. Clear out the mental clutter of negative emotions. If you continue to carry these emotions with you as you try to tackle your debt you will be handicapping yourself needlessly. The problem of debt needs to be reduced to the simple formula of money in less money out. If you can take care of the emotions then it leaves you more energy to focus on using this formula.

Is it easy letting go of the emotions? No – it’s very difficult. Fear, worry and denial are never far behind when dealing with debt. The point I’m trying to make is that while negative emotions will continue to haunt you as you tackle your debt you can make your journey a lot easier by acknowledging those negative emotions and doing something to counteract them. Talking to someone and having a good moan about your situation is tremendously helpful but don’t make the mistake of getting caught in the ‘woe me’ trap. Where all you do is moan about your debt and how your life is crap. Get your emotions out of your system, get over them or at least accept them for what they are and get on with dealing with your debt. Remember no one else will do it for you.